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You can read the confessions about the secret desires of HP fans - or whatever fandom - all day and never find a single one that isn't about how a girl or woman wants to be made submissive by one or several male character(s), turned into their plaything to be used solely for their gratification, and be called filthy names all the while, just to top off the degradation. Assorted punishments and spankings are a common added benefit.

What the fuck? I mean hell, people are going to desire whatever they desire, and they are not wrong for desiring it, but that doesn't mean I can't find it a little bit troubling that all the female posters to such threads have these exact same fantasies. I don't like it when people's affinities get too.... samey, you know?

For me personally, I get enough of being looked down upon in my everyday life because of my gender. I get no shortage of objectification and being considered dirty for the dirty thoughts that I apparently force upon the innocent men who view me with contempt and want to defile me for having made them horny. Imagining those assholes raping me or dominating and humiliating me really does nothing for me. Quite the contrary.

It's the ultimate turn-off for me to imagine myself or any woman being made subservient to a man. We are already considered so in mainstream society, and all thoughts of that only make me angry and sad, not horny. Imagining a woman being humiliated by a man reminds me of rape culture. And of the hate porn to match. Porn that is entirely made for men who fucking hate and fear women, and therefore get off on the thought of putting women in their place and have them be used and abused as so many holes, and then as toilet paper and discarded like garbage - or you know what? not even like garbage, because people don't want to rape garbage. Women in hate porn are consumed as commodities, but as no other commodity is consumed: with utter contempt and hostility. Much as women in the rest of the culture that surrounds us, really.

Doesn't anybody want something different when they wank? Come on, world, how is it possible that I'm the only one who is turned on by the exact opposite?

- And don't get me wrong: I know that my fantasies are every bit as much a product of patriarchy as those submissive women's. I just don't understand how I can be seemingly alone.

I get off on the thought of dominating and taking an arrogant and powerful man down a peg - or just witnessing him being taken down by someone else. It turns me on because it is unexpected. It also turns me on because his high social status takes the sting out of the likeness to rape. Such a man isn't normally treated with contempt, but rather with adulation, and as such it... heightens the pleasure when he is forcefully (but lovingly) put in his place.

The surprise factor is also part of the reason I get off on slash: seeing two men together is (regrettably) not very common in this heteronormative society, so whenever I do see it, the rarity of it turns me right the hell on because it accentuates the sexiness for me. Seeing a fit man with a woman is a bit of a turn-on, but seeing a fit man with another man is more intense, simply for having more of a surprise factor, and for undermining the gender roles - in theory. I know that harmful gender roles are often perpetuated even in same-sex relationships, but I can dream.

Here's what a character like Lucius Malfoy makes me desire: I want to wipe alllll the condescension off his pretty face and make him lose control. I want to tie him down and shut him up. I want to punish his arrogance and bring him to his knees and make him sob out his surrender and his reluctant pleasure, and if he's too proud to admit he needed it, I want to walk away knowing that he did. That's what I want to do to Lucius Malfoy, people. And that is before I want to see him put on a lovely show for me with another man.

Severus Snape? Well, he's the one I want to protect and soothe. Right after I make his mask of disdain and boredom crumble. I want to break down his wall of self-doubt and bitterness and show him just what a good boy he is. I want to seduce him and make him annoyed but secretly happy and I want to fuck his brains out. And after that I want to see him with another man.

In fact, why not kill two birds attend to two men with one stone sex act and let Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape have smutty coitus together?!

What? Cliches, you say? I never claimed it was original. I said I wanted role reversal and non-misogynist slash, and I also wouldn't mind seeing more women promoting that sort of thing. Because it's natural to want to have people who share your interests, is all.

Disclaimer: The above is not what I want to do to Jason Isaacs and Alan Rickman, by the way. Them I just want to buy a cup if coffee and shake by the hand for bringing to life the characters that make me dream of soooo many things.